I'm sick of being human. What is the point? Why are we here? Why do we FEEL? I don't want to feel anymore, maybe that is why I am questioning things, why I am questioning my life. No, I am not suicidal, I'm not thrilled with the idea of being another statistic to be shown to schools across the continental US.

My dad was just admitted to the hospital today. Monday he had a stint put into his liver, which progressively got infected. He is unable to eat without throwing up, he can drink a glass of clear water and it will come up yellow. His abdomen is sore, he was shaking and sweating at the same time, his temperature rose to above 100 F

My life has become very BElla-esque. Patrick (my bestfriend [Jacob]) is jealous that I'm dating Patryck (Edward). He wanted to ask me out, asked me out yesterday, even though he knows I'm in a relationship. I love Patrick, but I'm not IN love with him. He doesn't get it. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, and yet I did. I'm IN love with Patryck. I'm caught between both of them and it sucks.

I'm sick of feeling. I don't want to deal with the pain, the suffering, the hurt that my dad is going through. I hate seeing him like this, even if I do not like him. He's my father: bnlood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. I hate having pity for him and I absolutely hate that I have to take on all of this weight because my mother simply won't and my brother can't.

I hate that I still care.